Trigger warning: I am going to be talking about generational trauma, and the effects of last Thursday's meeting on me. Specifically, the physical after effects of certain triggers. So, skip this email if you're not able or willing for that today!

If you read last week's email from Friday, you'll know I had an awful day on Thursday in work. Purely due to one particular conversation. And I wanted to explore a bit more the aftermath of that event in this email. Because part of my work for Brigid is being an engineer, and specifically a female engineer. And also - part of my work for Brigid is unravelling my own trauma responses and the generational stuff I got from my family.

Because it's never just us responding to a stimulus in the moment. There are generations of reactions, learned behaviours, trauma, etc, etc, etc acting in that moment and the moments after it.

Now, dismantling the generational stuff might not be part of your work for Brigid. I get that. She does have different work for all of us. But even just for your own happiness, it's worth exploring this work.

I described my plan to deal with situations like this, but there are knock on effects that still happen. Thankfully, these are private, in the sense that the bastard that did this to me has no idea of these knock on effects. They probably think I'm either too stupid to react or it just didn't bother me. But they laid a line in the sand. (Not the line they think they made, but never mind...)

But the physical effects on me have been difficult to deal with. Aside from the flashbacks and the nightmares, I've had a headache since Thursday evening. I'm struggling with my digestive system. I'm sleeping badly - partly nightmares and partly physical response. Eating is hugely problematic right now. My hayfever even got worse! The urge to curl into a ball and hide from the world for a few weeks is strong. But I won't do that.

Instead - I've loaded up my water bottle. I've gotten my big girl knickers on. I've got my painkillers. I've got my antihistamines.

But I'm remembering that my body remembers. My body remembers the stress and the trauma. And I'm engaging in more meditations right now. I'm moving my body in slightly different ways to process this. I'm giving myself some grace around what's a priority and what isn't right now.

See, Brigid isn't always great at looking after her tools. She expects us to look after ourselves. And that's part of the responsibility we take up when we start to work for her. She will help us on our healing journeys. Or indeed any journey. She is a Healer, after all. But she also expects us to do the work ourselves. And that's where the difficulty comes in - in being treated as an adult, rather than a child.

And yeah - this is a reminder for myself as well as the rest of ye! Walk the path. Find our joy. Rinse and repeat.

Bríd libh

Órlagh

P. S. Still wavering on the Collective? Drop me a line with any questions.

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