People often ask me why I care so much. I mean, I frequently say I'm not fond of people, I hate people, people are just horrible. As always, I need to point out that persons, individual persons, are normally grand, but people are horrible.

But then I turn around and put so much effort to help people. Yesterday, before my day turned to absolute shit - more on that later - I reached out to 5 different people. Casually checking in with people that I knew were going through tough times. The reason I care so much?

Because I know the effect of just one person reaching out a hand in friendship and support.

I know the effect that has on me on a bad day. I know what happens when someone asks if you'd like to go for a walk, or grab a cuppa, or whatever. It makes a massive difference in terms of what people take from a day. Someone cares. Someone noticed.

That's why sometimes, you get more emails than normal from me. Either I get a nudge that I can help someone or I just feel someone, somewhere needs to hear it.

I also like to share the tools I've learned to use to help myself as well. Yesterday was a prime example of this. I had a bad meeting. The kind where someone engaged in behaviours and language that triggered me. As in, I had flashback nightmares all night kinda triggered. But honestly, that's a relatively benign reaction. I desperately need to rehydrate this morning - working on it - but no other major injuries because of the situation.

Because I have a plan for when this happens. I can't control what other people say and do. But I can make sure I have a plan in place to deal with me when this happens.

1) Recognise what's going on. I have a written down list of things that trigger me. I developed it with a therapist because I didn't believe it was ok to be triggered by these things. But honestly, whether it's ok or not, these are my triggers. So, a written down list helps ground me in facts rather than the thoughts in my head.

2) When something happens, recognise what's going on. I know - this one seems obvious. But I used to be really nervous about using the word "trigger" to describe what's happening in these situations. Not any more.

3) Make a request that the behaviour stop. This doesn't always work - it didn't yesterday. But it's an important step for me to make the request.

4) Compartmentalise. This is essential for surviving the experience and not falling apart. At least not falling apart in the moment. Get that emotions box open and shove the emotions in.

5) Extract yourself from the situation. This took more than 20mins yesterday, but I did it.

6) Take whatever immediate action you need to take and then remove yourself entirely from the context. Yesterday, this meant an extremely quick meeting with my team to catch them up with some details and taking myself to a nearby shopping centre, where I could and did breakdown. I called a friend. We talked through the facts vs the feelings. We confirmed my next steps. (This is the opening of the emotions box by the way)

7) Put the long term plan into place. For me, this means calling my therapist, and in this case arranging a session for today. I cancelled, postponed or delegated any meetings yesterday afternoon. I got myself home and took a nap with some chocolate. I watched some shit comedy on tv. I cried. I drank water.

8) Intermediate steps for today. This includes eye patches this morning to help my eyes. Lots of water. Comfy clothes that make me feel good and nurtured. Therapist later. Confirm plan for dealing with the core situation with my team. Survive until the weekend.

I get it - for many people on this list, triggers aren't an issue. I'm so happy for you. Genuinely. I wish I was like you.

But if this is an issue and - like so many people in the world today - therapy just isn't an option for you for whatever reason, I hope this helps. There is other work to be done to reduce the effects of the trigger of course - and that is obviously ongoing at this point - but this is a get out of jail process to get you safely through a situation where it's not safe to break down.

I hope it helps!

Bríd libh

Órlagh

P. S. I've had a couple of enquiries around the scholarships for the Collective. Please reach out if you are interested in either the Collective or the scholarship opportunities. And yeah - this is some of the stuff we deal with. The practical steps for survival in the modern world.

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